Monday, October 1, 2012

Online dating pet peeves

I am sure we've discussed my online dating pet peeves. There are a bunch; no photo, poor spelling and/or grammar, the shirtless, Myspace-esque pose in front of the mirror, pictures of your children, pictures of you with your ex....I could go on.

I don't like to give advice on what to look for in a profile, or in messages, because the things that turn me off often don't bother other people. For instance, most of my friends are not bothered (or don't notice) if a guy uses "their" when he should use "there" - or similar transgressions. I've actually not replied to messages from absolutely gorgeous men because of those sort of mistakes.

Something that I know bothers others, that doesn't really phase me? Meeting someone online, clicking - and then him disappearing. Sure it bothers me if he just disappears after you've started forming a relationship - that's just rude. But disappearing after a few conversations? Doesn't really matter.

I just consider that a hazard of online dating. If you're aggressively working a dating site, you're likely to meet a dozen people in one night. A bunch are going to seem like they may have potential, and you are often tempted to over-commit yourself to more conversations. Some fall through the cracks. I'm sure I've done it, and it's been done to me before.

Before I met Sparrow, I talked with several guys on various dating sites. One of them was a very good looking guy who seemed very nice - smart, and funny. We had a nice conversation over IM, at the end of which he asked if we could chat again. We set up a time to chat - and he never showed up online.

I never gave it a second thought.

But that brings me to a pet peeve of mine that I also don't think I share with others...the prodigal son syndrome. It usually goes something like:

  • You meet
  • You chat
  • You click
  • He disappears (after one, or maybe as many as five conversations)
  • He reappears with some lame excuse like "busy with work" or "had a lot going on" or "decided to take a break"

This is a huge pet peeve for me. HUGE.

I'm totally OK that I wasn't your favorite, or I didn't make the first cut. I don't take it personally. It's not rude, and actually has very little to do with me, specifically, since you likely made that choice before you got to know me.

But you know what? You did make that choice. Now you need to stick with it.

If you're unhappy with the women you met, then I'm really sorry you chose poorly. Better luck next time. But don't treat me like your Plan B, back-up plan, and come back to me with a terrible excuse, hoping I'll talk to you again.

Because you know what? If you did that to me once, I have no reason to believe you won't do it again - and I deserve better.

The truth is - no one gets that busy with work. I know you didn't take a break, because the dating site shows me you've been online every night since. So you didn't really have that much going on, either.

You just didn't want to talk. So let's stick with that plan, shall we?


  1. this post is spot on. WELL DONE!

  2. I'm so with you on this post. I've met a ton of guys online who are "busy with work" and it baffles me that they didn't have 30 seconds to send even a hello text! I added you to my blogroll since I also write about dating...check it out!