Thursday, January 13, 2011

Waiting game

When I was a freshman in college, I never skipped class. I was afraid of what would happen. Would I get caught? How would I catch up? It took some time to catch on to the whole, "you're an adult, this isn't high school" concept. After the first time I skipped, though - I found it was easy. And convenient, too. By senior year, I skipped class like it was a sport.

I came across this article while it was making its way across the interwebz a couple of weeks ago. It got me thinking about my own...habits. When I first started dating after my divorce, I figured I'd always wait until things were "serious." Then, I met someone - and didn't wait. Just like with skipping class - once I figured out it didn't need to be a big deal, I became less strict.

The article suggests that waiting makes more a more successful relationship later on. In a nutshell, waiting forces the partners to develop communication first, before making it "messy" with sex. While I can see a point to that - I doubt it's a coincidence that the study was supported by grants from Bringham Young University, which is owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a part of the Mormon Church, which advocates abstinence before marriage.

So I'm thinking the information is a bit skewed. I've had sex on the first date; I've had casual sex, where dating wasn't even involved, and I've done the whole "friends with benefits" thing. I'll admit - none of those are ideal, especially if you're hoping to build a serious, lasting relationship. Still - surely there's some middle ground between having sex on the first date (or few dates) and waiting until you're ready to march down the aisle? Seems to me that's part of the communication you're trying to build and the relationship you're trying to develop, right?

Maybe it's just like everything else in a relationship - depends on the people involved.

What about you? Any "rules" when it comes to sex and timing? Or do you just wing it?


  1. I (used to) wing it and don't have any regrets. I've had friends with benefits, flings and casual romances that were fun, but not lasting.

    Most of the time I waited a bit to figure out if I could trust him at all and the guys I was with, I found that I could. Mostly this was an area that I went with my gut instinct on.

  2. I think that's the best way to do this (go with your gut). It's changed for me over the last couple of years which is probably a combination of getting older, new experiences and also the fact that when I got divorced, I was practically brand new to dating, never having done it in my twenties. {sigh}