Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Everyone knows that breakups suck. It probably makes sense that it's tough for both people - but is it different for the breaker versus the breakee?

I've mentioned that, through a weird set of coincidences, I met Mr. 28-year-old through Big, and that we're all still friends, at least online. So, should it matter if Big also meets people through our connections, or has relationships in front of me online?

It probably shouldn't be different. What's good for the goose and all that. But it feels different, you know? Maybe because Big flat out told me he never cared, so it stands to reason he wouldn't care now. But I did care - so of course it bothers me. Sure, it bothers me less and less now - but still.

Friends have suggested that I "unfriend" Big. I don't even like that term, much less the idea. The guy was in my life; he was important to me, and he was good to me a lot more than he wasn't. "Unfriend" sounds to me like an admission that someone was a mistake; that he didn't play an important role in my life.

Since that's not the case, and since Big continues to be a good friend more than he's not, it seems to me the thing to do is figure out why it matters. My feelings have changed; pain and hurt has slowly changed to acceptance and closure. So why do I care? A friend had a wonderful answer:

"We have odd connections to our past and want to see where their fingerprints continue to carry over into our present."

That's cool, isn't it? She's so wise.

She's also right, of course. Some people just leave fingerprints on our life forever, even after we've moved on. I guess that's how we know they were important; that they changed our life, and made a difference.


  1. *blush*

    And I agree, with the "unfriending" unless someone does something truly heinous to me or is totally stalkeriffic or creepy I don't unfriend them because that's like saying, "YOU DON'T MATTER AND NEVER DID" which isn't true.

    That said, I've been unfriended more than once (sometimes by the same person) and even though part of me doesn't care, part of me thinks it sucks in that a "wow that's childish and immature" sort of way.

  2. I've unfriended when it was someone who just didn't have an impact. Like, someone I met online only, and it was never more than a casual chat here and there. I've been unfriended in the same situation.

    But when someone is a big part of your life (no pun intended) - how do you just dismiss that? I don't think I'll ever understand that.

    As far as you being wise - I just calls 'em like I sees 'em. :)