Thursday, March 17, 2011

Bag of hair

Have you ever seen the movie Fever Pitch? If not, I highly recommend you do. (Though, you may want to skip the last ten minutes or so; an accurate retelling of the 2004 World Series. *shudders*)

There is a scene where Drew Barrymore's character is talking to her friends about how perfect her new boyfriend (Jimmy Fallon) is. Her friend asks what she thinks his "bag of hair" will be. Confused, they all look at the friend as if to say, "A-wha?" She goes on to explain about a woman she knew who was dating a guy who was also perfect - and then she found a bag of hair that he'd been collecting in his closet.

What do you do when you find your new love's 'bag of hair?" I'm not talking about finding out that the guy you love doesn't put the seat down, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, or isn't good at laundry. We all know that no one is perfect, but those are the kind of things you either over-look because he's so wonderful otherwise - or you don't even notice at all because they're just not important.

I'm talking about learning something about a person that changes your whole perception of who you thought they were. Like, if you met a guy, dated him for a few months - and then found out he lived with his parents, or worked as a male-prostitute or wore brown shoes with a black belt (kidding - sort of).

This obviously comes up when you're dating. When we first meet someone, we put our best foot foward. We try and hide those things that we think might be a turn off, or that we would prefer to only have to explain to someone if it gets serious. So, stuff gets left out of the first date chatter.

I think this comes up even more when you meet people online. The first problem is that everyone assumes that people on a dating site are there for the same purpose; when, in fact, that's not really true. If you're there to find a relationship, it can be quite a bag of hair when you find out the guy you're talking to is only there for an FWB type arrangement.

Some people are really good behind a keyboard. They might appear really smooth, confident and sophisticated in their profile, and even in emails. But in person? Their awkward, lived-with-my-parents-til-I-was-forty self comes shining through. Other people think it's okay to flat-out lie in a profile. So, when you make a date and expect to meet a professional, educated guy with a great sense of humor - it's a huge shock when he shows up wearing a dirty t-shirt, driving a rusted pickup with a pack of cigarettes in his hand.

I find bags of hair all the time. Sometimes, it's little things, like a guy telling me that he can't live without modern communication - and then telling me he only wants to talk on the phone. Other times, it's something more signficant - like a guy saying he's looking for a relationship, only to turn around and ask me if I'm interested in casual sex.

What's the worst bag of hair you've found (online or off)?


  1. I was looking specifically for this post. I found the bag of hair this weekend...and it is something I cannot deal with. Makes me a little bummed out because otherwise this guy is pretty awesome, but, I just can't. Bummer.

  2. One was bulimic...
    One wouldn't stop sleeping with his ex...
    One was emotionally abusive...
    One couldn't keep it up w/ protection and wasn't good enough at other things to bother...

    I think those are my worst ones.

  3. Good grief...

    I found out last night my current "interest" is allergic to cats. That's a potential problem. Though - not technically a bag of hair, since it's not his fault.