Friday, March 4, 2011

Walks like a duck....

I like to think that my singleness is a matter of choice. Yes, it was born from a breakup I took hard, but I made a decision to avoid dating until I was happier with myself, and with who I was meeting. So, I don't like to call what I'm in now a "rut." But still - if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....


So, I was reading this article about how to get out of a rut. The advice, for the most part, makes sense. It doesn't just talk about my kind of rut (aka - not really finding any dates); it also hits on dating patterns that will keep you from finding love, even if you're finding dates.

You don't feel good about yourself. This is probably the problem most of us have; I know I do. Let's face it - if you feel bad about yourself, you could be in a room full of single, interesting guys - but you won't approach them, and you won't be approachable.

You swear all the good ones are taken. Well, duh - this would definitely cause a rut. If you're not looking - not paying attention, even - you won't find anyone. Period.

You write off a date, thinking he lacks long-term potential. This is classic behavior of someone who truly is too scared; she shouldn't even be looking for a date. There's always a reason an excuse why this guy just isn't for her.

Your dates look great on paper - only. I guess this is the opposite of the excuse dilemma. Instead of looking for a reason not to date someone - you're making every excuse to keep dating someone, based on his resumé. Love is based on feelings; not on pedigrees.

You aren't feeling instant sparks. This is probably the one answer with which I don't really agree. The problem they present is writing someone off if you don't feel sparks on the first date. Their solution is, if you feel neutral - try again. Give the sparks a chance to grow. You can probably guess what my issue with that might be.

I'm not sure any of these address my current situation (with the possible exception of the "you don't feel good about yourself"). But, I know what to look out for if I ever waddle climb out of this rut.

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