Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Best of the Worst: Care to see my abs?

He was cute. His profile said he was a professional with a masters degree, and was looking for a relationship. His profile headline read: Are You the One? No kids, no drugs, no smoking, no divorce. His profile was well-written, with capitals and punctuation - I didn't even find one spelling error (and I looked, believe me!). He even admitted that he can be a little dorky, but can also be romantic, and said he preferred to start things slow, get a conversation going, and then take it from there.

He did one of these things where he said he wanted to meet me. (On plenty of fish, this is like a ranking game. I don't really understand it, to be honest.) I didn't approach him first, but since I heard from him, it's okay to respond - so I did. He emailed me back, introduced himself and said he'd like to chat. We exchanged a couple of emails - and on the fourth or fifth, he said to me:

Do you care to see my abs?
Unsure what exactly to do with that, I responded:
Um....no? Just looking to chat and see how things go.
I never heard back from him after that....

*shakes head*

What do you do with that? It's such a tough situation. Some guys just don't know any better; I don't want to be mean or judge harshly - but I also don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable.

I reread his profile, and my thought is that he joined the site looking for casual sex; then stayed thinking it was a way to meet dates, and maybe find something more when he's ready. Nothing wrong with that - but if you're going to approach someone whose profile clearly states she's here for dating and, ultimately, a relationship...

Maybe keep the abs covered for a little while longer.


  1. As I just said on twitter in response to CaliBradshaw...boys are dumb. Seriously. If all he wants is sex, hey, that's cool...maybe he should say that in his profile. Whatever. I don't understand why it's so difficult for men to be upfront and honest. BE HONEST DUDES. NO NEED TO WASTE ANYONE'S TIME...and in rewards for your honesty, I too will be honest! Woo hoo! It's amazing what happens when people are honest ;)

  2. I read this when you posted it, but didn't have a chance to comment. First off, sigh. It sucks when you find someone who can actually spell spoils the mood with something completely out of left field. I guess it's a good thing it was just his abs, but either way, it was unnecessary and to top it off, it made you uncomfortable.
    I have no problem with men being sexual creatures ready to show off their great bodies at a moment's notice, but as the old axiom chants there's a TIME and a PLACE for everything. And that wasn't the time nor the place.
    And then to blow you off because you weren't into it? Because you didn't drool and slobber over his abs? Thankfully he weeded himself out of your life before you had to. You're better off and I'd say lucky not to have more of his boneheaded movements to deflect.
    I commend you for keeping it classy. Not enough women do this and it makes it that much harder on the rest of us. I guess in a way it makes the rewards that much greater, too. Good luck.

  3. Stine - I also have no problem with men being sexual creatures - or women. I think sex is healthy, natural and an important part of a good relationship. But like you said - time and place.

    I think it's cool that people meet others for a casual sex relationship. I've done it. But it's not what I'm looking for now, and I make that obvious in my profile. I hate it when guys just spring sex out of nowhere, ya know?

    Hope you're right. I think if I ever meet a good guy, it'll be because I've been patient and choosy.

    And maybe because I've met all the bad ones. ;)