This means that those of us looking at profiles also have a chance to search for "deal-breakers" - you know, things that, no matter the connection or attraction, we know we can't get past.
It's different than meeting someone at a party or a bar or a bookstore. Approaching someone in those settings is based purely on looks. And, because presumably at least one of you has an actual schedule, you exchange personal contact information right away. It isn't until a week of texting or emailing that you find out he's a member of some freakish cult, wears socks with sandals, or something else equally as horrible.
But online, not only can you limit communication to the site (at least at first), you can also figure out if a person meets your "minimum criteria" before even exchanging a single sentence.
Which makes me wonder why anyone in any of the following situations would contact me.
- Looking for a "dominant woman"
- Looking for a tall, slender, attractive woman
- Someone who is 23 and looking for a hook up
While we're on the subject, anyone who knows me knows that, while I'm fairly open-minded, there are some things I won't try. Ever.
Since I know I feel that way, I try very hard to make that as clear as I can in my profile. I like to keep it positive, so I don't say, "Well I'd never...." Instead, I try to convey what it is that I do enjoy - and hope that the absence of certain activities drives home the point that they aren't for me.
I include pictures that make it very clear I am neither particularly adventurous, nor tall, nor athletic; no pictures of me on a roller coaster, or a boat, or a bike. Why? Because I don't do those things (at least not regularly). I flat-out say in my profile that I am not athletic, and view exercise as something I have to do rather than want to do.
So if you're looking for someone to go kayaking with you - I'm not her. That should be obvious. But, in case it wasn't (or you're just an eternal optimist) and you message me anyway to invite me kayaking - I'm going to say no.
At which point, you can decide if what you really want is a kayaking partner. If you do - fine. Kudos for recognizing that in yourself, and being self-aware and confident enough to move forward and find your perfect match.
But don't keep asking me to be that match.
Listen - I get it. You were probably scared to kayak the first time you tried, and you probably figure I just need some encouragement. Thing is - as sure as you are that you love kayaking, that's how sure I am that I would hate it. Some women are very comfortable getting into a vessel that was designed to tip over with her still paddling, and even enjoy the challenge of learning how to get out of that conundrum.
I am not that woman. If I was, believe me, I'd say so in my profile.