Monday, May 2, 2011

Broken rules

After 28 Year Old, I did promise myself that I would be more flexible on the whole issue of age. After all - he was a super-nice guy, and if I'd stuck to my "no younger guys" rule, I never would have known.

So, the other night I got a message from a guy online. It was actually a missed IM, and it said, "You look lovely." That was it, nothing more. That's an awfully nice thing to say, so I checked out his profile. He was good-looking, his profile was well-written. He's into art, movies, live music, antiquing; he lists writer/artist as his profession and says he likes to travel. Sold!! Except...

He's 18 years older than me.

That's a whole lotta years. He could be my father. In fact, he's older than my best friend's step-father - and she's the same age as me!

But, I promised myself I wouldn't let age be the deciding factor anymore. Besides, worst case scenario, this would be a great blog story and make you guys laugh, right? The stuff I'll do in the name of a good blog post.
So, when he opened up another chat, I responded. He started out very nice, saying he really liked my profile, and that he thought we had some things in common. Then he said he hoped I didn't mind, but he likes to be very open.

Now - I'm a pretty open person. There's not a lot I won't discuss, and there's not a lot that offends me. However, I've made it pretty clear in my profile that I am looking for a relationship, and any relationship needs to build over time. I am of the opinion that you build a friendship and a rapport first - and then, if it clicks, you start with the personal stuff.

Apparently, this guy feels differently. About ten minutes in, Mr. I'm Refined and Cultured and Sophisticated wanted to discuss what he likes to do in bed. More specifically - what he'd like me to do to him.

Seriously? This was happening?

Thankfully, I have a sense of humor. If I hadn't been able to laugh - I think I might have cried.

I'm okay with a lot of things, and I'm willing to overlook a lot, too. But I'm not okay with being disrespected, or with a man who tries to excuse his poor behavior by calling it "upfront" and "honest." I'm also not okay with someone who repeatedly returns to a topic of conversation, even after I've asked him to let it go.

There are some rules I just won't bend.


  1. Ugh. You know, sometimes I'm into that conversation just to see how people tick because on some levels I find that fascinating, but ew. Just ew! Not in the first chat!

  2. I'll talk about anything. But if it's sex - I'm either discussing something with friends and getting/giving good advice or a good laugh, or I'm talking with a partner. But on a first chat, with someone who I don't even know? Nope.

    I told him as much, too. Then I told him that it was obvious we were just looking for different things. He "chased" me (on IM) for days before I just finally had to be mean about it.

  3. Dude! It kind of surprises me how many guys are all about talking about what they want when it comes to sex without even knowing me. Anytime someone I've been corresponding with over the net says anything like that I'm immediately over it because they've never even met me!!! I don't want your hands on me, I don't want you next to me in bed...just ugh. Boys are not smart.