Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Guys have to lie

"Sometimes, men have to lie to a woman, to protect her."

That's what this guy said.

I must have given him a quizzical look, because he asked if he "needed to explain further." I am quite certain that any sane, rational, reasonably intelligent man would have taken one look at my face and immediately shut up.

I, apparently, was not having dinner with a sane, rational, reasonably intelligent man. Since he offered, I asked him to please go on. Dinner was boring and I thought this might be amusing.

He explained that a man might know there's a "truth" about him that might scare away a woman who doesn't know him. He wants to get to know her a little bit, and let her get to know him, before he tells her. So, he has to lie - but it's only to protect her from walking away from the relationship prematurely. You know, because she doesn't know any better.

"He's really just doing it to protect her. You understand?"

I really don't think my date was prepared for my reaction...which went something like:
Sure, I understand - I just don't think you do. What you're describing isn't "protection" - it's manipulation. You're talking about letting a woman enter into a relationship when she doesn't have all the facts. You know everything - but she doesn't. The balance is all off.
The truth is the truth. You can hide it, walk away from it, ignore it all you want - it's still there. She's going to find out eventually. You're severely underestimating a woman by thinking if she's "deep enough" into the relationship, she won't walk away from a deal-breaker. Any woman worth dating still would. Your very suggestion that her standards are so low is an insult.
Not only that, now you've given her another reason to walk away. Not only do you have whatever the strike is you've been hiding - now you're a liar, too. Would you want to date a liar? No. So why should she?
Not to mention - wouldn't you rather be with someone who will accept you for all your flaws? So why hide them? All that does is help you find someone who doesn't like the real you.
I could tell he didn't agree with me. Or maybe he just didn't like what I was saying. Either way he didn't argue with me. 

Probably in his best interest.


  1. I am so proud of you for sticking up for yourself and all women.

    That guy.. STILL... profound LOSER

  2. I agree with you. That guy sounds like a jerk. I don't think the gender roles are always this way round (although maybe more often than not) but telling lies in general in dating is a bad idea in my opinion. Still, even if he didn't want to tell you some secret early on, at least he let you know early on that he's an idiot!

    1. I completely agree with what you say about gender roles. Women give as good as they get, and liars are definitely not gender-specific.

      Since I'm a woman who dates men, my dating experiences are all from that perspective.

      This guy actually asked me what I was looking for in a guy, and (one of) my answer was honesty. That led him to explain "why men lie" (his exact words).

      Liars, any gender, suck. :)

  3. Well said, Girl. Wow. The audacity.