Monday, March 25, 2013

I'm not scared - I just don't like you

I was talking with a friend about this situation. The conversation went something like:

Me: The thing I don't want to do is lead [Bachelor #2] on. If I'm not feeling it, I don't want to give him the impression that there's a chance.
Friend: I understand. But you never know, if you take it slow, maybe something will come out of it.
Me: And if it doesn't? That's what Big and Trooper both thought - that if they kept dating me, eventually they'd fall for me. They never did, but I let myself trust and fall for them. In the end, I ended up getting really hurt.
Friend: I think a lot of people feel that way, but the problem is they don't know if they like someone early on, and sometimes they find out too late.
Me: Some people think this is me running away. It's not.
Friend: I think it's just knowing what you want. Some people settle.
Me: I don't want to settle, and I don't want to be with anyone who is settling for me. I'd rather be single and completely open if the right guy ever comes along.
No one likes to hear that there's just no "spark." Women are especially fond of finding reasons for a guy not wanting to date them, when the simple truth is "he's just not that into" you/her/us/me. There's a whole book, movie, and Sex and the City episode about it for crying out loud!

So we make excuses - either having to do with the guy (he's afraid of commitment; he's afraid to trust) or about how wonderful we are (he's intimidated by my success; he wants someone less independent). Either way, we lay the blame elsewhere rather than just admitting the simple truth - it just isn't meant to be.

I wondered if maybe I was walking away from Mr. Perfect-Dating-Resume because I was scared to trust or commit. I've said a million times I want a relationship, and I want it with a successful, responsible, respectful, smart guy who will treat me right. Here it is, being served up on a silver platter - and I'm thinking about pushing it back?

Then when I typed it out in that email, I realized that sometimes, you meet the "perfect" person - but you're just not that into him. The truth is yes, I want that relationship - but I don't want doubt or worry or to "see if it happens."

That same day a different friend had a great facebook post about why women are single. It was too long to share here, but at one point he wrote how we spend so much time trying to manufacture love. Sure, you can manufacture a date - but love happens when its meant to, and not a minute sooner.

I think people who settle are trying to "manufacture love." They want it so much, they find somewhere it'll fit and they just work with what they've got. I could easily do that with Mr. Perfect-Dating-Resume.

But I want a spark - something that happens quickly, uncontrollably, and by surprise. Without that, there's nothing perfect about a relationship, regardless of its resume.

1 comment:

  1. Sparks are nice... and you deserve to have THAT SPARK!