Thursday, March 14, 2013

Moving on

Continuing from here....

A couple of days later, he texted me saying I "sounded offended or uncomfortable...sorry if I made you feel that way. I wasn't implying anything."

Part of me wanted to ignore the message. It felt like a trap, coming from someone who had never admitted to being wrong about anything. However, not knowing him well enough to be so judgmental, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I responded by saying I appreciated what he said.

He said, "You did feel something didn't you?" I admitted I had just a little, and he said, "It was that assuming thing again, wasn't it?"

At which point I knew I probably should have just listened to my gut.

I told him I was just a little uncomfortable. I didn't want to assume or accuse, but I also didn't want to stay in a situation that felt awkward. The only thing I could really do was end the conversation.

At which point, Mr. Not-so-Perfect proceeded to tell me that I am selfish. Well, to be fair, he said he wasn't saying I am selfish, but I made the conversation about me, and how could I possibly get to know him if I'm always making conversations about me? That's a "selfish tendency."

"It's like you purposely put up road blocks to protect yourself."

At this point, I should have ended the conversation. I realize that - and I knew it at that point. But he was in my head. I was thinking, "Do I push people away by jumping to conclusions? Am I unfair? Am I selfish?"

So, I asked him. I repeated the last couple of things he'd said to me about "relieving stress" and asked what he meant. His response was that he was looking to play basketball or golf, but he didn't want to invite me out of fear of rejection, so he dropped a hint. He then referred back to one of our previous conversations, suggesting my behavior is the result of my "baggage."

I pointed out that he actually put me in the position to have to guess what he was getting at, because he hinted rather than just saying. I also pointed out that fear of rejection is a pretty big piece of his own baggage he's lugging around.

I noted that throughout our communication, we have spent a lot of time talking about my mistakes and flaws and very little time talking about his. I told him that what I know of him is that he lays blame, criticizes, and does not say what is on his mind. I suggested that is also baggage.

He didn't seem to like that.

In way more words than I care to repeat, he told me he's simply pointing out behavior I need to change, that I am obviously tired of guys treating me badly so I put up a wall, but I have no reason to think he would do the same, he was offended I thought he was lying when he rescheduled the date (we're back to that?), and I need to get past my issues.

I didn't disagree with him, because I didn't see the point. Then he asked me to explain what I thought his part in this was...and he cut me off before I had the chance. I have to give credit where it's due, though. He did say he was just trying to explain stumbling blocks to us getting to know each other, and if we knew each other better, conversations would not go this way.

So I responded by saying that some conversations are tough over text, and maybe we could get together. I said I really do like him. Which he responded to by saying:
Have you been fantasizing about me? Lol cause you like I wouldn't have guessed that.
I pointed out that getting to know him is difficult when he responds to me reaching out by laughing and poking fun. He felt I needed to "lighten up" because he was just using a "little humor to loosen up the conversation."

I pointed out I have no way of knowing that because I don't know him. Which he said was my fault. I suggested it was half my fault, half his. He said, "So I gotta be guilty even though I did nothing? lol lmao."

He eventually suggested that our conversation had gotten immature and if I looked at his texts, I'd see he'd let it go and had moved on to humorous conversation. That I can't expect to win every disagreement, so I should "move it along or lose it standing still."

So, I told him I was moving on - though I'm not sure I moved on in the way he meant.


  1. Sounds like a manipulator and a controller.
    And like a total D.B.
    Just saying.

    Move on.. far far far away...

  2. Humour can be funny or it can be a form of attack. In this case, it doesn't "sound" like he was attacking you - he was. When you got serious he lol'ed it off. That's never okay. I started reading your blog because you are a strong person with a good heart and a passion for life. Do NOT let someone else bring you down. Don't self-doubt, don't self-criticize...shake it off...and start living like that person I started reading :) Take care!