Monday, March 18, 2013


When I meet a new guy, one of the first things he usually wants to talk about is my past relationships. How long did they last? What went wrong? Are we still friends?

It makes sense, because how a person behaved in past relationships is something of a hint as to how they'll behave in the next.

It's funny to me that guys are so concerned with relationships and not with the "date here, date there guys." You know, the guys I went out with once, or just talked with, or maybe went out just a couple of times before one or both of us said, "Uh uh."

Those mini-relationships, or whatever you want to call them, have just as much - if not more - effect on how I view and approach dating, love, and relationships now.

For example, I've met a lot of people who do the whole fade away thing after you start speaking. It wasn't until after Trooper that I met so many men who would just "fade away" after actually meeting, going out on a few dates, making plans, etc.

Without ever being in a full-blown relationship, these men have shaped my view tremendously. I notice I am more cynical, less trusting, and way more closed-off than I once was. Don't misunderstand - I'm not saying this is a good thing (in fact, it's something I'm trying to reverse). My point is that the little, mini, supposedly insignificant relationships are more to blame for these feelings than any long-term relationships.

Should we be discussing these dates when discussing past relationships? Recently, it came up with someone, but not when he asked about previous relationships. It came up when he asked what I was looking for, and my reponse was that I'm looking for something I've found lacking in a lot of men.

What about ourselves? We spend so much time reflecting on past relationships, and recovering, and looking at what we could have done differently and what we could improve or change for next time. Should we be taking as hard a look at these one-off dates, and what we did (or didn't do) that could maybe have made things go a little better?

If it's true that everyone comes into your life for a reason, then that must be true even for the guys who come and go quickly. Even if we never discuss them with our next hopefully-last first date, we should probably be looking for the reasons, at least for ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. I've found that I talk more about those one-timers now that I'm married. I think it's important to discuss the things that didn't work with my husband so we don't repeat those past mistakes. And sometimes it's just fun to relive and laugh about those bad first dates.